God is so good, He's so good to me.
Hey Kris - that is so encouraging to hear yet again. Praise God!
I have been told that I did not actually share my actual *testimony* in my initial post... so, I will add a those details here.
I grew up in a Bible believing home, with two wonderful Christian parents. I knew a lot about the Bible and never rejected my parents' faith, so I thought. But there were significant patterns of sin that I had never confronted. Perhaps the most pervasive one was a pattern of deceit and lying. As one of the more drastic examples, I passed a class in Bible college by lying about turning in a paper I had never written, and allowing my professor to take the blame of thinking he had lost it. Not only was I lying to others, but I was lying in my own mind in order to cover up the guilt I knew I could not face.
When I finished college, Eric and I were in a Bible study (with the Thiels) led by Wes Pastor. Eric was a deacon, and on track to start seminary a year after we got married. God was so gracious to us, however, by using the study of Romans that year to show both of us that we had never truly repented and submitted our lives to the Lord. I was first - learning for the first time that I couldn't live however I wanted and still claim to be a follower of Jesus Christ. The patterns of sin had to go - but they had such a grip on me and I had no power over them. As much as I wanted to change, I couldn't. Eric was second - he had followed the faith of his parents, and as with me, had never really given up a life of sin in order to follow Christ. It had been cultural, not personal, for both of us.
Eric's recognition of unbelief was harder on me than even my own. I was angry at God. I loved Eric, and could not accept that God could be just in sending Eric to hell. These thought spiraled into a series of doubts of the existence of God, and especially the goodness of God. I became pregnant right before this, and that was one of the lifesavers. I knew, as I watched this baby grow inside my womb, that there had to be a God. This baby was not a matter of chance.
Those were the most terrifying months of my life. I knew I was going to hell, and for the first time I knew that I had no control over my own fate, or the fates of my husband and child. When I read the Bible I found no comfort - only condemnation, as I was the "wicked one" in all the passages, not the "righteous one" by faith. I was terrified of God, and yet in His kindness He showed me that He was the only one who could rescue me from His own wrath. I had to trust in Christ's blood - it was that simple, but something I could never do on my own.
Isaiah 55:1-2, 6-9 says "Everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and you who have no money come, buy and eat. Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Whey do you spend money for what is not bread, and your wages for what does not satisfy? Listen carefully to Me, and eat what is good, and delight yourself in abundance.... Seek the Lord while He may be found; call upon Him while He is near. Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; and let him return to the Lord, and He will have compassion on him; and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon. 'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,' declares the Lord. 'For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.'"
These words were so sweet to my weary and fearful soul. I was thirsty, but had no water. Hungry, but no money to buy food. I was spending my life for things that did not satisfy. But God promised... yes He *promised* that if I turned to Him He would have compassion on me. The "My ways are higher" verses had made me angry before - I read them as if coming from a haughty and proud God. But as He transformed my heart, I realized that no! - those verses were amazing! He was saying that if it were up to me (and my lower thoughts) no plan of salvation like this would ever be put in to place. There would be no hope for the wicked - no compassion, no abundant pardoning. I had been oh so wrong - and what joy to know that.
It took me a few months to be sure of what had happened. But as I saw patterns of sin being conquered, and love for my Savior increasing, God gave me peace I had not felt before. I was baptized in December of 2004 (just over one year ago!) and though I get discouraged at times, I go back to these verses and am comforted that I did not save myself, and that He has promised to complete the work He started in me. And if that were not wonderful enough, it seems as though God saved Eric this past March through a missions trip to Cameroon. He is so good!
Sorry that was so long... it really is amazing, though, to rewrite your testimony. It is such an encouragement to remind ourselves of where God has brought us.
Question: how does this book reading/commenting go? Can you start it out for us, Linda?
(Random comment: in this spell check, "Christ's" comes up with the suggestion of "crusts" Ouch.)
I have been told that I did not actually share my actual *testimony* in my initial post... so, I will add a those details here.
I grew up in a Bible believing home, with two wonderful Christian parents. I knew a lot about the Bible and never rejected my parents' faith, so I thought. But there were significant patterns of sin that I had never confronted. Perhaps the most pervasive one was a pattern of deceit and lying. As one of the more drastic examples, I passed a class in Bible college by lying about turning in a paper I had never written, and allowing my professor to take the blame of thinking he had lost it. Not only was I lying to others, but I was lying in my own mind in order to cover up the guilt I knew I could not face.
When I finished college, Eric and I were in a Bible study (with the Thiels) led by Wes Pastor. Eric was a deacon, and on track to start seminary a year after we got married. God was so gracious to us, however, by using the study of Romans that year to show both of us that we had never truly repented and submitted our lives to the Lord. I was first - learning for the first time that I couldn't live however I wanted and still claim to be a follower of Jesus Christ. The patterns of sin had to go - but they had such a grip on me and I had no power over them. As much as I wanted to change, I couldn't. Eric was second - he had followed the faith of his parents, and as with me, had never really given up a life of sin in order to follow Christ. It had been cultural, not personal, for both of us.
Eric's recognition of unbelief was harder on me than even my own. I was angry at God. I loved Eric, and could not accept that God could be just in sending Eric to hell. These thought spiraled into a series of doubts of the existence of God, and especially the goodness of God. I became pregnant right before this, and that was one of the lifesavers. I knew, as I watched this baby grow inside my womb, that there had to be a God. This baby was not a matter of chance.
Those were the most terrifying months of my life. I knew I was going to hell, and for the first time I knew that I had no control over my own fate, or the fates of my husband and child. When I read the Bible I found no comfort - only condemnation, as I was the "wicked one" in all the passages, not the "righteous one" by faith. I was terrified of God, and yet in His kindness He showed me that He was the only one who could rescue me from His own wrath. I had to trust in Christ's blood - it was that simple, but something I could never do on my own.
Isaiah 55:1-2, 6-9 says "Everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and you who have no money come, buy and eat. Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Whey do you spend money for what is not bread, and your wages for what does not satisfy? Listen carefully to Me, and eat what is good, and delight yourself in abundance.... Seek the Lord while He may be found; call upon Him while He is near. Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; and let him return to the Lord, and He will have compassion on him; and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon. 'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,' declares the Lord. 'For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.'"
These words were so sweet to my weary and fearful soul. I was thirsty, but had no water. Hungry, but no money to buy food. I was spending my life for things that did not satisfy. But God promised... yes He *promised* that if I turned to Him He would have compassion on me. The "My ways are higher" verses had made me angry before - I read them as if coming from a haughty and proud God. But as He transformed my heart, I realized that no! - those verses were amazing! He was saying that if it were up to me (and my lower thoughts) no plan of salvation like this would ever be put in to place. There would be no hope for the wicked - no compassion, no abundant pardoning. I had been oh so wrong - and what joy to know that.
It took me a few months to be sure of what had happened. But as I saw patterns of sin being conquered, and love for my Savior increasing, God gave me peace I had not felt before. I was baptized in December of 2004 (just over one year ago!) and though I get discouraged at times, I go back to these verses and am comforted that I did not save myself, and that He has promised to complete the work He started in me. And if that were not wonderful enough, it seems as though God saved Eric this past March through a missions trip to Cameroon. He is so good!
Sorry that was so long... it really is amazing, though, to rewrite your testimony. It is such an encouragement to remind ourselves of where God has brought us.
Question: how does this book reading/commenting go? Can you start it out for us, Linda?
(Random comment: in this spell check, "Christ's" comes up with the suggestion of "crusts" Ouch.)
posted by MM at 7:21 AM
3 Comments:
Thanks MM!! How awesome He truely is!!!! Praise the Lord... It is well with your soul! (i've got the song in my head) :-)
As for starting us out on the book.. I will.. I think I'll write my testimony first though.
Love ya Sis!
Gimme a U
Gimme a P
Gimme a D
Gimme a A
Gimme a T
Gimme a E!!!!
MM that is cool for me to hear the whole story. Not being at CMC and hearing of oepple realizing they weren't saved for us was very hard. You and Eric hit us especially hard. I understand it much better now, thanks for sharing. Praise by to our God who is mighty to save!
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